September 17, 2007

Why it is challenging to move on before you find answers - ARTICLE

The first week after a break up is obviously the toughest because you are still waking up to this new reality.

In this first week, it is essential to find answers.

Once you can truly grasp why your break up happened it allows you to move on faster.

Here is why:

There is always a lesson to be learned when a relationship ends.

You wants to identify that "lesson".

As long as you don't have that answer or clue, your mind stays focused on this break up going in loops trying to understand.

Finding answers gives you peace of mind.

Now, the answers we talk about are usually simple. They will sound like:
  • She met someone else.
  • She got bored in the relationship.
  • We live too far away from each other.
  • I am too young or too old for her.
  • She wants children and I don't.
  • I betrayed her.
  • I have a drug, alcohol or gambling problem.
  • I actually asked her to leave because I was unsure if I loved her.
  • She wants marriage and I don't.
  • She is just impossible to be with. There is nothing I could have done differently.
  • I was too possessive.
  • I was too kind and did not challenge her enough.
  • We were incompatible on so many levels.
  • We have too different visions about life and values.
  • Etc.

Once you have the answer, ask yourself these simple questions:

  • If I was confronted with the same situation again, what would I do differently?
  • Would I change my behavior or attitude?
  • What are the new relationship skills I can learn?
  • Should I look for someone who is more compatible with me?
  • Am I good as I am and she is simply not the right person? Isn't this break up a wake up call for me to move on?
  • What exactly did we miss as a couple to make it work?

When you dive in this, you develop new relationship and dating skills that you will use in the future.

I say it again, there is no need to blame yourself and stay in a "guilt mode" if you feel you did not perform too well in that past relationship.

A mistake is only mistake when you don't learn from it.

If you learn from it, it is simply a life experience which allows you to become a better person.

Remember as well that she is probably responsible at 50% for what happened in the relationship.

You usually share responsibility for a break up.

It is usually not one or the other person's fault.

I am sure you have good relationship skills and so does she.

Identify exactly what you missed and make sure that you bring these new ingredients in your future dating and relationship life.

Makes sense, right?

To your power