September 17, 2007

Why your friends get tired of hearing about your break up - ARTICLE

I'll be direct, okay?

While friendships, family and support network are important, they are often not enough.

Why is that?

Because a friend is not professionally equiped to support your through this challenge.

Friends have their own sets of life challenges and their own life stays their priority.

When faced with a challenge, it is normal for a friend to support you for a while.

They will take you out or invite you for dinner, listen to your story and try to help the best they can.

However, your friends are not break up experts.

They improvise answers to the challenges you face hoping that their words will have an empowering impact on you.

They hope that this will be enough.

When one of my male friends breaks up, I say:

"Do you want me to help you as a friend or as a coach"

If he says he wants help as a friend, I quickly tend to get frustrated.

I get frustrated because I see a massive difference between professional coaching and helping someone as a friend.

As a friend, I have only a fraction of the tools I have as a coach.

As a friend, I can't be that direct. I can't use tools, strategies, models, tactics and a whole range of approaches available within the coaching space.

As a friend, I sit down, listen and ask a few questions. Often, months or sometimes even years later, my friend's story is still the same.

I meet this man who broke up 2 or 3 years ago and what he says shows me straight away that he did not recover his full power yet. In fact, he talks as if he was still in the middle of his break up.

As a professional coach, it is a different story.

Why? Because you hire me for my expertise.

You hire me because you are ready for change, not because you just want to share.

My experience comes from travelling the break up path with many men like you.

I had of course my own share of life experiences as well, but this is not what gives me the power to help you with this topic.

I know the pitfalls, the areas where you can get stacked or need a significant power kick.

I won't take the steps for you but I do walk the path with you, side by side.

This is the type of support I commit myself to.

I coach because I care.

This is what a friend can't do after a while. A friend will simply run out of ideas and energy.

They can offer you moral support in the early stages but their social life stays geared towards fun.

Your break up can only be the center of attention for so long. After a while, everyone wants to move on, specially if they don't see a change.

Here is another trap: negative attention.

When you are in a break up situation, this is what you get. Sometimes, it is real compassion.

Many times, it is only pity.

Pity is not very useful in helping you get your power back.

In fact it does the exact opposite.

It reinforces your position as a victim.

You must shift this victim role as soon as possible.

You want to be a winner. You are no victim.

To your power!