June 3, 2009

Why does she blame you and what to do about it - ARTICLE

What she's doing now is what many women do when they feel they are truly losing their ex (even if they are the ones who broke up in the first place).

If you check the e-book and audios, you will see that I talk about that specific break up trap.

She comes back running to you, confusing you, just when she feels you are gaining back your strength and detaching yourself from her.

Blamming you is one way of getting back your attention and confusing you even deeper.

Observe that she is not saying she wants to get back together with you.

What she is doing right now is confusing you so that she can "stay on top".

This has to do with power struggle.

How to react to that?

Well, it is very simple: if someone throws lies and insults at you, would you take them if they are just lies and unjustified?

Of course not.

She is simply trying to provoque you because she can't stand the idea of you moving on that fast.

Seeking conflict or argument is her way of taking power away from you again.

So, see through it and don't play the game.

Anything that sounds like blame or attack, whether it's email, text or phone call, delete it and don't follow up.

I mean it!

Creating conflict is a lose-lose!

You have better things to do than letting someone blame you.

She is simply trying to put the fault on you when in fact she might be the one who gave up on your relationship. It is that simple!

If she calls or tries to contact you and blames or attacks you, put a strong boundary!

Say something like: "Sorry you feel that way! I have quite a different vision of what happened. You are entitled to your opinions and I won't try to change them. It seems we'll have to disagree on that one."

I am pretty sure that you both have some form of responsibility in the break up.

Yes, both!

It is a shared responsibility when it works or when it does not work.

You both have stuff you could have done differently and it is important to learn from a break up and ask yourself sincerely:

"What will I do differently when I have a new relationship in the future?"

That's called constructive introspection.

And yes! There is space for constructive feed back between two partners who break up.

What she tells you though is often not constructive! It is finger pointing and blaming which is not feed back.

It aims at one thing: hurt you, keep you hooked on her, confuse you, take away your confidence and power!

Simple, don't let her do that! You are on the right track!