January 22, 2010

Is there a chance of you two getting back together? - ARTICLE

That’s the most common dream in break up situations.

When you break up, you have to let go.

There are actually very few chances of you two ever getting back together.

This hope you have in your mind might be the number one force stopping you from moving forward.

The wish for things to be different is like a doubt, fear or hesitation.

It is related with the fear of being alone or the fear that there is nothing in the future for you.

WRONG!

You have a future!

With or without her!

Chances do open up the moment your mind is available.

When is your mind available?

When you have control over your life, not her.

In 95% of cases, getting back together does not work.

Why is that?

Because the emotional patterns you two shared that created the “saturation” leading to your break up are still there.

In fact when you get back together, you usually recreate exactly the same emotional patterns as the ones which were there before.

You might shift things around for a couple of months.

But eventually, you tend to fall back into the “old model” and make the same mistakes.

It is much easier to simply move on and create a new life with someone else.

When you create a new life with someone else, all you have to do is create.

If your try again with your ex, you need first to clean up, remove old patterns and redesign your relationship.

This usually requires too much time, skills and energy and partners tend to give up on that.

Are there any situations where it can work?

Yes, of course there are.

For instance, if you have been together for a few years and one of you cheats.

This could be a one time thing perceived by the cheater as an incredible mistake.

You might split for a while and eventually get back together when you have the power to forgive and move on.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater?”

I disagree.

Some people can effectively perceive the destructive effects of an affair and consciously decide to stay away from it.

They consciously choose to be faithful to protect the relationship or the family.