January 22, 2010

Was this relationship a mistake? - ARTICLE

If you stayed together for 3 years, the relationship did work!

Splitting after 3 years does not mean that it did not work; it means that it worked for some time and it is now time to move on to something else.

It is very common to have thoughts like: “I failed”, “we failed to make it work”, “It was not meant to be”.

This is not true.

A relationship happens within a time frame.

What is true today might not be true tomorrow.

When you say today “I love you”, this stays no matter what crystallized or suspended in the past in the form of a perfect moment.

Relationships simply have shorter life spans.

You go through a full relationship cycle in a shorter period of time nowadays.

Why is that?

Because everything goes faster.

You need change, renewal and you put yourself first as an individual.

100 years ago, you would stick together because of a need for survival.

It was simply impossible to manage alone.

It was not accepted as well.

Today, most people are okay with being single for a while.

Your material survival does not depend on the “couple cell” anymore.

You can manage on your own.

This gives you freedom and takes away some power away from the relationship.

It gives back power to the individual rather than the couple.

You are okay by yourself.

Society accepts it.

Does it mean that your relationship did fail?

No! Not at all!

The good times you shared are still there.

They are alive in the past and won’t be erased from your memory.

The target might be different than what you expected.

Maybe the goal was not to be together forever but actually to share something meaningful for a while.

Don’t be afraid of shifting your mind and moving forward.

You can have a dozen successful relationships in a life time.

The fact that something ends does not mean that you failed; it means that it ends and something new is being born.

It is part of life to go through a cycle of birth, life and death.

When a relationship ends, you simply start a new cycle.

This is what a break up is: it is the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one.

You can stay focused on the old cycle and fail to see the new one starting; or you can focus on the future and enjoy this force of renewal which moves you forward.

What do you need to start a new cycle?

Freedom and independence.

You need your mind to be free from the past.

This does not mean that memories are not there; it means that these memories do not control your present life.

Emotional freedom is the key.

You see, a new cycle is an occasion to be “reborn” (sorry for the cliché J) into a new reality.

Accept the relationship’s life span as a natural cycle of birth, life and death.

The moment you see that this is natural, you realize as well that you can go with the flow.

A break up is a new start as well.

Work with the forces of nature rather than against them.