March 9, 2016

Guys! If your girlfriend broke up with you, it's super easy to get help from me!

Guys! If your girlfriend broke up with you, it's super easy to get help from me! I have 12 years of solid experience helping men get their life back! Save yourself time and trouble! Use me! HTTP://VITALCOACHING.COM/COACHING

July 12, 2011

My ex is super angry about me dating this new girl - ARTICLE

Your ex might react in all sorts of very irrational ways when she hears about your new relationship.

She might accuse you of:
  • Betraying the memory of the love you had with her.
  • Jumping too fast in a new relationship.
  • Not taking time to mourn.
  • Not caring about her feelings.
  • Using this new girl as a rebound.
  • Having a shallow connection with a girl you don't really care for.
  • Etc.
In other terms, it's very common for an ex to try to degrade whatever love or romance you are experiencing.

As you can imagine, that's absolute, total non sense!

She does all that for one simple reason: she is jealous.

She attacks your new love because deep inside she still wants to be number one!

It's a competitive response from her.

You have to let your ex go and be ok with whatever emotional reaction she's having.

You simply don't have to listen!

You are doing what's right by dating this new girl.

Right now, your ex's attitude is TOXIC!

Don't contact her for a while.

If she was given the possibility she would happily do anything she can to poison your connection with this new girl.

Stay away from her as much as possible if you don't want her to negatively impact on the fun you experience now.

I know you wish she was reacting differently but she will most likely not change and be super disrespectful with her emotional reaction towards you.

Stay away from her!

Right now she's like a virus!

June 30, 2011

How to keep my cool with the first girl I date after a break up - TIP

True!

Going to a first date when you didn't do that for a long time can be quite disabling!

Especially if your feel deeply triggered and impressed by her beauty.

Confidence is an attitude you train!

Once you develop it, whether it's the first girl after break up or a old lady you chat with at the bus stop, the principles are the same.

The key with new dates is to have other options. If she's your only hope, she feels it and it makes you appear needy.

It makes you look as if you were measuring every word and every move, afraid of making mistakes.

YOU MUST RELAX!

Put a big casual smile on your face and not worry much.

Focus on creating chemistry on the moment rather than making projects for the future.

Got that?

Enjoy!

Talking to my ex feels now a bit shallow - Is that normal? - TIP

Yes, it's normal.

Don't be afraid to be shallow.

That's the way to go

You don't have to reinvent your life with her or develop an intimate friendship right now.

Especially if, as it is often the case, she doesn't want to hear about your love life and not too happy to hear how fantastic you are doing.

It's ok to keep it superficial at this stage.

Now that my ex broke up, I totally lost trust in marriage and relationships - What do you think? - TIP

Marriage is beautiful!

It does work for many!

A relationship works while it lasts.

The fact that a marriage ends doesn't mean that it didn't work.

It means that your relationship came to the end of its natural cycle.

It worked while it lasted.

A part of you is programmed to believe that relationships are meant to last for a life time.

This is no longer true for most relationships.

The actual average marriage duration in the west is 7 years.

This means that if you get married, the chances of getting divorced within 7 years are 50%.

Does this mean you should not get married?

That's up to you decide.

An idea might be to slightly shift your mind in the way you see marriage and relationships.

Instead of fully depending on your partner for love and happiness, you develop a higher degree of emotional and energetic independence.

This means that you can be happy with or without partner.

The day you engage in a committed relationship or marriage, you sustain a higher degree of energetic and emotional independence.

You still love with your whole heart but you know how to easily go back to yourself if you have to.

You might as well lower your expectations and include the idea of impermanence in the way you look at relationships.

Realize that this simple concept deeply conflicts with the traditional romantic dream that suggests that "love is forever".

While it is very tempting to believe that, in practical, emotions and feelings shift.

Feelings change.

You might still "love" someone you dated 10 years ago.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you will marry the person or that you are compatible for building a committed relationship.

Simply think twice before you commit.

People often marry too early because they are afraid of what will happen if they don't.

Be smart!

Stay awake!

Stay free and go slowly into sex at first when dating new women - TIP

Yes, going slow with no commitment is better in the beginning after recovering from break up

Why?

Because when your ex leaves, you might try to fill this void in a rebound way which is not satisfying for you long term.

Keep your options open instead.

No sex?

Light intimacy is great but think twice before having intercourse as this usually creates very strong binding and often naturally leads to commitment.

As soon as you have sex, expectations or drama with this new partner might occur.

If you are still sensitive and vulnerable after your break up, this might ad stress and challenges rather than giving you space and energy to recover

Enjoy your freedom for a while instead.

My ex doesn't want to hear about my new love stories - What else should we talk about if we meet? - TIP

Simple!

Talk about anything else!

Be respectful and diplomatic and don't dive in processing mode.

Your ex is not your therapist.

She might be a casual friend you see here and there but don't expect too much from her.

The best is to keep all conversations light and easy.

Talk about casual things, nothing too serious or too deep.

Each time you share something deep and real about your feelings, you give her an access door to your emotions.

This connects her deeper to you and makes it harder for you to forget about her.

Don't force her to listen to your new love stories.

My ex would like me to date someone new straight away - Should I try to protect her feelings or not be bothered? - TIP

You're kidding, right?!!

She dumped you!

She thought of herself first when taking that step!

Did she care about how THAT would make YOU feel?

Not at all, right?

So, why are you still trying to protect her??

YOU ARE 100% FREE!!!!

FREE! FREE! FREE!

There is nothing in your life that belongs to her!

You don't have to protect her, you don't have to even share what you experience with other women.

She has no right to expect anything from you or limit you in any way!

Got that?

DON'T LET HER DO THAT TO YOU!

RESPECT YOUR NEEDS MORE THAN HERS!

My ex wants to be friends but only sent me one text message in 2 weeks! - What kind of friendship is that?!! - TIP

She might say she wants to stay friends but then doesn't act accordingly.

Look at her actions, rather than what she says. Her actions speak louder than her words.

So, if she sends you one text message a week, that tells you exactly how much time and energy she wants to invest in a friendship with you right now.

My advice?

Invest less or the same as what she does, certainly not more or you will end up losing yourself and getting deeply frustrated.

We just broke up - Should I check on my ex to make sure she is all right? - TIP

Not your responsibility!

Nothing new will come from the connection with your ex.

Your relationship is still in the dissolution process.

Especially when she is the one breaking up with you, she wants space.

You coming back to her to "check if she is alright" is often just an excuse to try and reconnect.

Don't fall into that trap.

Right now, the less you interact with her the better you feel and the more space and energy you have to invest in other women.

That's what you should focus on.

She said she loved me! - How could she change so fast? - I don't get it? - TIP

Feelings can change very quickly.

This is confusing.

We think that feelings are permanent but they are not.

Your girlfriend or wife might tell you that she will love you forever one day and break up with you the next day.

It is because feelings change.

It confuses you.

It confuses her as well.

She might not plan it.

She wants to believe as much as you do in an ideal romantic dream based on fairy tale visions.

It is simply human nature.

What we think is permanent is not.

The fluidity of human feelings is beautiful but doesn't give you the security you might expect from marriage and relationships.

Remember this simple truth:

Feelings change!

It is that simple.

I still feel guilty about seeing other women - How can I shift that? - TIP

ABOUT REFRAMING GUILT...

In break up cases, it's not like you are doing something wrong.

You are free! You are dating new women.

In this case guilt is a useless emotion!

It drains your energy, destroys your confidence and the chemistry you could establish with the new women you date.

Don't let that happen!

Take control of your thoughts and emotions and as soon as you see even an inch of guilt creeping in, DESTROY IT!

Guilt is USELESS!

As a general idea, when you have emotions like guilt popping in your mind, here are some new thought forms you can use.

The goal is to gain power and recondition yourself.

Use this type of empowering self talk affirmations:
  • I am free - He's breaking up - I can see whoever I want
  • I am a free man and if she's my friend she will be happy for me
  • I want a new relationship and will get it!
  • Nothing and no one will stop me from meeting fantastic women and developing new relationships!
  • Etc.
Remember that in your ex's mind she might want to keep you were you are.

It IS a battle for power and happiness, and even if you want to stay friends, she is usually on your way, when you try to meet someone else.

She might judge silently what you do with your love life or resent it.

Why? because you are giving your life and energy to someone else.

It's a battle for energy and attention.

It's competition on an energy level.

I would like to stay friends with my ex - Is that even possible? - TIP

If you already are in good terms and deeply respect each other, I am sure it can work.

Test the waters and find out what you can share and what you can't.

If you want to bring new women in your life, it's important NOT to see your ex or communicate with her too much.

I would say one drink a week, a couple text messages max, that kind of thing.

If you invest too much energy in your ex, it will keep your life totally polarized on her and not free enough space for new relationships.

GOT THAT?! This is essential to understand!

She says she's not yet dating and that the profiles she set up on dating sites are just for information - TIP

Looking for information on dating sites?? Yeah right!.. There is a turn on and excitement behind her new found dating life.

It's like a guy going on a porn site and saying to his girl friend he wants to know more about female anatomy ;) sorry couldn't help that one - No offence

My ex wants to be friends - Should I tell her about the new women I date? - TIP

For the time being you can set up new boundaries between the two of you.

Maybe she DOESN'T want to hear about your love life. You don't know yet. You have to find out

You might be looking for her validation and encouragement because you believe that's what a good friend should do.

Now, it's very much possible that when you share the feelings you experience for someone else, she might not like it.

The best way to find out is to share some light flirting anecdotes and see how she responds.

That's a good way to test the waters.

You can say for instance.

"I love this spring feeling. All these women looking so sexy! - I was in town having a beer with my friend and this girl at the table next to us was definitely checking me out - She was cute, we chatted a bit. She just moved into town..."

While you share something along that line, observe your ex's emotional response. Is she enjoying hearing your story or does she resent you sharing that?

It's essential to know.

If she resents it, it means you should not share your love life with her unless she asks you.

This means that if you support her love life (listening like a good friend) but she doesn't support yours, it can create a strong imbalance in the friendship and you end up frustrated.

We can check what to do once you know more about her response. That will be for another tip.

If she likes it, gets excited, asks you follow up questions, it means that you can establish now a new level of complicity right there.

Try sharing your love life the way I described above and see how she responds.

Just talk about you dating or flirting in general

How does she respond when she envisions you with other women?

Does she like it or not?

Test it! You will quickly get an answer!

I still live with my ex and feel guilty about dating other women - TIP

If you are still under the same roof and especially if you are helping her with moving on with her life, it's normal to feel a bit guilty and not have too much space for dating yet.

Space will open up in your mind as soon as she is out and you see her way less.

The dynamics will shift as soon as she is out of your place.

Once she is gone, remove ALL TRACES of her presence in your personal space.

This will help you A LOT with getting a fresh start and resetting your mind.



How long should you mourn a broken relationship? - TIP

30 days! Give yourself 30 days to find all the answers you need and let go of your ex!

Before you can move on, you usually need to know why the break up happened and if there is anything that you could have done differently.

You need answers!

Most break ups are an opportunity to discover something deep about yourself, like how you stand in life and the profound values you live for.

In these initial 30 days, don't jump in a new committed relationship.

You need some time first to regroup your energy and find yourself back.

When the break up happens, make a note on your agenda 30 days from the break up date saying something like "FULL RECOVERY" or "NEW LIFE START".

Having this date in your future will keep you focused and set up the starting point to your new life!

How can you get your power back after a break up? - TIP

Refocus your energy!

Start light dating after the first 2-3 weeks!

Gain back control over your personal foundation! For instance if you were married or living with your partner, secure where you will live and how you make a living.

90% of the solution is the mind! Realize that this is a battle! Nothing and no one will stop you from being happy! Happiness is a space you need to fight for! It's like a territory to conquer!

Once you shift to battle mode and consciously DECIDE to win this challenge, absolutely nothing will stop you.

A coach expert in breakups can of course help you develop the right mind sets and guide you in stepping out of the victim role into a winning mind set.

You are beautiful being and have so much to offer! Millions of new potential partners out there are ready to date you!

3 core tactics to get over a break up really fast? - ARTICLE

The first essential strategy is damage control.

You have 3 essential life areas you must protect when a break up hits you:
  • Your career
  • Your heath
  • Your social life
What does that mean?

It means that a break up can have a devastating snowball effect and negatively impact on these other areas of your life.

Protect yourself!

Realize that your life is under attack and shift to battle mode!

This is a fight for survival and emotional victory!

PROTECT YOUR CAREER
  • Stay 100% professional
  • Don't bring your personal break up issues to work
  • Don't talk about it
  • Stay focused on what you are paid for.
PROTECT YOUR HEALTH
  • Get enough sleep
  • Hit the gym
  • Stay fit
  • Eat healthy
  • Avoid alcohol or drugs 
Your core guidelines for wellness and vitality are always the same but when a break up hits you, the risk of tapping in unhealthy patterns is way higher.

You might feel like you run out of will power and stop fighting.

Don't let that happen!

Wake up and fight back!

POWER UP YOUR SOCIAL LIFE
  • Don't isolate yourself
  • Go out
  • Say yes to invitations
These tactics are essential!

Connecting with others will take your mind off the break up

When you meet new people, don't bring up your break up in conversations.

Focus on fun things instead.

If you need to share about your break up, select a special time with a close friend, a coach or therapist.

This gives you a safe space to dive into it, get fresh perspectives and a solid power kick.

Why do people take break ups so hard? - TIP

Both women and men get often hit really hard by a break up.

Why is that?

Because the vision they had for their lives suddenly collapses.

Imagine that you build up a perfect picture of your future with a given person and suddenly it's gone!

This is why it is so hard to deal with.

It is because it requires a profound shift in your long term life vision.

A break up means change!

And change is challenging!

Of course you have your fears, shame and what others will say about it.

Somehow guilt can build up and doubts about your self worth creep in too.

The core idea is that a break up is the end, death or destruction of something you cared for.

This core energetic shift creates stress and forces you to adapt to a whole new life condition in which the essential qualities of love, nurturing and mutual support might be dissolved.

You go from being in resonance with another human being to relying just on yourself.

The depression or the break up zone that tries to hit you at that moment is the reflection of that loss.